Ramblings on a more current state of mind

I always do this when an impending performance looms over my head: I get introspective, thoughtful and over-analytic.

But it's never about my performance. Instead, it's about people, relationships, God, family, etc.

Usually, this... process... helps my performance by giving it a nuance that I wouldn't have found weeks before.

But the circumstances surrounding my performance (actually, my life in general) are so different from my previous performances and this process is more intense this time.

I feel like I'm climbing deeper and deeper inside my own head and I hate it. To avoid it, I'm flipping into workaholic mode: I'm keeping myself busy with work and forcing myself to become exhausted to the point where I can't think about those things.

I lay down to sleep an my mind reels thought countless things all at once. I wake up and I don't feel fully rested.

It has never been this intense and I feel like it's becoming detrimental to my performance more than helping it this time.

In art as in life, it is about finding balance. And as it is in everything, balance is difficult to achieve.

I hope I can get this sorted...