RANT.

I hate it when people act like the shit they've intentionally and knowingly put themselves through is SUCH a damn burden to their very soul and use it as an excuse to be bitchy to others. Papers, projects, recitals, rehearsal obligations, classes, lessons, practicing-- STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR GIVING BIRTH TO THE FUCKING WORLD OR SOMETHING AND GET OVER YOURSELF. HOLY SWEET JESUS. STRESSED? DEAL WITH IT. BREAK THINGS. SCREAM. SOCK SOMEONE IN THE FACE. GO GET DRUNK. BUT DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON PEOPLE AND TREAT THEM LIKE YOUR PISSING POLE.

shit.

I was shit tonight.

Utter, total, undeniable shit.

FML.

Flirtation

True flirtation is...

-A single look from across the room
-The way a sentence tapers at the end
-A corner of the mouth curling into a devious smile
-A conversation with filled by ambiguous answers

It's an art even woman should strive to master.

Flirtation is NOT...

-Giggling
-Transparent flattery
-Blatantly comfortable body language
-Stupid conversations about unimportant shit

This makes you seem cheap and brainless

This is what most women do.

This should be avoided.

Ramblings on something encouraging

Me: Why is my life such a mess?

Roommate: Well... because if it weren't a mess, it wouldn't be interesting.

I thought this was really encouraging.

Ramblings on... um... *Slaps self*

This guy I liked last year is (I think) in love with a girl that I know. I'm 95% sure she doesn't give a rat's ass.

This made my week.

No, my month.

And probably my year.

I think I'm evil.

:)

Ramblings on my being ridiculous

I'm looking at Facebook pictures of a certain someone and crying. I've NEVER felt this ridiculous before. No, serious. This is a new low for me and my bloody self-esteem.

It might be because I'm sick right now and everything school-related seems to be converging into this giant ball of tangled deadlines and assignments and rehearsals...

Or it just might be the pills I've been taking...

Or it might be that I'm fucking hormonal during wrong fucking time of the fucking month...

But I think I've, for the first time in a long time, realized the very probable possibility of me, spending the rest of my life on my own.

And honestly? That's fucking scary.

I think I act like I don't want anyone. But deep deep WAAAAAY deep down, I think I'm just waiting for someone to change my mind.

This shit doesn't normally bother me this much. But right now, I feel like I'm going to fall apart into little pieces.

Ramblings on a more current state of mind

I always do this when an impending performance looms over my head: I get introspective, thoughtful and over-analytic.

But it's never about my performance. Instead, it's about people, relationships, God, family, etc.

Usually, this... process... helps my performance by giving it a nuance that I wouldn't have found weeks before.

But the circumstances surrounding my performance (actually, my life in general) are so different from my previous performances and this process is more intense this time.

I feel like I'm climbing deeper and deeper inside my own head and I hate it. To avoid it, I'm flipping into workaholic mode: I'm keeping myself busy with work and forcing myself to become exhausted to the point where I can't think about those things.

I lay down to sleep an my mind reels thought countless things all at once. I wake up and I don't feel fully rested.

It has never been this intense and I feel like it's becoming detrimental to my performance more than helping it this time.

In art as in life, it is about finding balance. And as it is in everything, balance is difficult to achieve.

I hope I can get this sorted...

Ramblings on confusion

Ramblings something I'm thankful for

LOLLLL!!!!

Right around the same time my dad taught me how to knee someone in the nuts, he taught me how to disarm a gun from someone.

Every girl should know this.

EVERY GIRL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-JIMlrdHag

Decent video. Not perfect but it was the best one on Youtube.

One more thing to remember: Once the magazine is inserted into a semi-auto pistol, one round goes in the chamber. If you keep a firm grip on the magazine, no more than one round can dislodge because the slide can't move to reload the chamber. Down side? Well, you still have that one bullet to worry about. You'll just have to hope and pray that one round goes off on some other area aside from your body.

/Geekout

Ramblings on a really cool person

Fanny Mendelssohn Hensel.

More talented older sister of Felix Mendelssohn. :P

SO. LEGIT.

Ramblings on a Conversation

Here's a conversation my dad and I had last night over the phone:

Me: So, I'm opening a bank account tomorrow.
Dad: Really? That's good.
Me: Well, not really. I'll officially be "in the system" now.
Dad: Yeah, it'll be like the mark of the beast from Revelations.
Me: Exactly. Getting a bank account will be the first six, then the second six will be when I get a driver's license and the third will be when I register to vote.
Dad: *LOL*

XDDD

Ramblings on my current state of mind

I'm a sick, siiiiiick puppy...

*is ashamed*

LOL.

Ramblings on... er...

I thought I'd get over it. I really did. But I just have to get this out or else I'm going start feeling insane.

Have you ever wanted to disembowel someone and make out with them at the same time?

I mean, have you had a mix of those feelings about the same person-- not wanted to do both at the same time.... that's too sick even for me. O_o

But anyways...

I can't stand him. I really can't. He's an obnoxious know-it-all who doesn't stop talking. He sucks up to the teacher and answers all the questions-- even the ones that aren't directed towards him. He's 75% of the reason why I want to go postal in my class. But when I see him outside of class, like in the hallways, all I can think about grabbing him by the collar, throwing him against a wall and making out with him.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

*Headdesk!*

Ramblings on a rant

Dear twopeoplewhoaregettingonmynerves,

Do you not know what happens to people like you in the professional opera world? Seriously? Do you REALLY not know? Well, here's the low down: YOU GET CUT. YOU GET CUT THEN YOU GET BLACK LISTED.

Person-number-one, I don't care HOW amazing you are (not that you are but let's not go there right now). When you're an arse to your colleagues, you're not getting another job. Do NOT forget that there are oodles and oodles of talented people out there-- people who can sing and act just as well as you and look just as good as you-- or perhaps even better. What makes you think that conductors and opera houses will hire you, a freakin' JERK, when they can hire an actually DECENT person? Being a kind person isn't only the right thing to do, it's a professional advantage.

BTW, idiot: you're shooting yourself in the FOOT by treating your scene partner like CRAP. You've proved to me and everyone who knows that you're the weak one and that, if the scene falls on its face, it's YOUR fault and no one else's.

And REALLY, person-number-two? Seriously? Do you not understand that the LEADS' words play a part in your getting a performance? Talking bad about the leads when you're a cover? Saying that you're concerned about the lead's performance because you've apparently got AMAZING chemistry with someone and that the lead doesn't with the other? SERIOUSLY? The leads are leads for a reason. We earned it in the auditions. You've got to earn it DURING the process. I'm not insecure; I have no reason to be. I'm just astonished at your lack of strategy.

Crap talking gets you NO WHERE. Maybe you know what you're doing is offensive, then again, maybe you don't. Either way you've offended. No matter the intentions, the damage has been done. At school, it doesn't matter that much BUT, do you know what happens to COVERS in the pro opera world that do anything other than what they're told? This miiiiight come as a surprise but when they mouth off... THEY. GET. CUT. They get cut then black listed. The opera world is a VERY small one. Everyone knows everyone and word travels like wild fire.


Get your heads out of your arses. I'm sick and tired of this. I'm sick and tired of seeing people treated like CRAP.

With all the sarcastic love in the world,
Rachel

Ramblings of something I've been feeling like...

...screaming at the top of my lungs lately:

Dear PeoplewhomIwillnotmention,

GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND GET OVER YOURSELVES.

With much frustration,
Rachel

PS: I see RIGHT through you. Don't think for a second that I let things just fly over my head.

Ramblings on Randomness

Listening to past lessons = weird and AWESOME all at the same time! Hearing myself is kiiiiiinda painful but some of the stuff that gets recorded is just GOLD!

This is a little something I came across in a recording of a lesson from last year (Freshman year 1st semester):

*To the tune of The Ash Grove* "I went down the street and I bought some Jolly Ranchers and then I came back and they stuck to my teeth~~~"

LOLERS8Z DR. GALLOWAY! This left me in STITCHES! XD

Ramblings on something that irritates me

Something that happened today brought this up.

People who know me know that I take criticism very well. I mean, how else would I be getting on as a vocal performance major if I didn't? But I really REALLY hate it when people tell me to "calm down." Honestly? Who the hell are you-- my dad? Telling me that I'm being loud and that I should probably quiet down is one thing. Telling me to "calm down" is absolutely another.

When people tell me to "calm down", I feel like they're being condescending. As if they're saying that I'm being immature and that it's unbearable against their all-knowing sagely maturity. Not to say that I'm incapable of being immature ever but that sort of condescension is really annoying. And especially since I act excitedly with people whom I consider friends who understand me, I get really hurt. Not just ticked or offended. Hurt.

Every time someone tells me to "calm down," I feel as if my liveliness is being suppressed. As if my spirit and my joy and my happiness-- which are all integral aspects of my character-- is being told to exist no further. Irrational? Perhaps. But it's essentially what it feels like. It's like telling a dancer not to move or binding a painter's hands.

I'm loud. I'm obnoxious. I'm passionate. I'm excitable. I'm opinionated. I'm silly. I'm goofy. I'm sarcastic.

^^^

If you don't like any of these qualities about me, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out, mate.

Ramblings on a piece of undeniable truth

"Everybody lies." --Dr. House

Status Update

I'm making an appointment with an on-campus psychologist tomorrow. I feel like my brain's going to explode and I just can't handle it on my own anymore.

I feel like breaking half the things in the kitchen cupboard right now. I know this aggression isn't because of anger but because of sheer frustration. WTF is happening to my world and why the hell have I suddenly gotten this bad that handling it?

I hate pretense and facades. Most of all, I HATE irresponsibility.

Funny little conclusion I've come to: The Stage never lies to me; The Stage never leads me on; The Stage never brushes me aside; The Stage never treats me like something disposable; The Stage and I have a perfect understanding of what I want and I of what it wants.

I don't need anything else.

I'm really resisting the urge to burn a LOT of bridges right now.

/stupidrantofinsanity

Ramblings on Arias

...Repetition...

Here's something I had mused on many years ago: Why the heck is that soprano singing the same words and musical motif over and over again in that aria? I thiiiiiink we get the idea after the third time, lady...

But really, have you ever thought about it? Why would someone write that on paper? Why would a composer have someone sing the same lyrics and the same music over and over again? As filler? Just for kicks?

No. The reason why Ariodante sings "Scherza infida" over and over and over and over again as he sings about how he was betrayed by his love is because that's how we humans ARE. Our minds our souls don't EVER say or think something just once or even just twice.

Arias are places where characters bare their souls. The music, the words-- these are not just scribbles or black dots on a couple of lines on paper. It's their soul.

The audience's responsibility is to understand what's happening on stage during those moments and the performer's responsibility is to portray that music and those words with as much honesty and humanity as possible.

"Opera was invented because the spoken word was inadequate." --Graham Vick