Ramblings on something encouraging

Me: Why is my life such a mess?

Roommate: Well... because if it weren't a mess, it wouldn't be interesting.

I thought this was really encouraging.

Ramblings on... um... *Slaps self*

This guy I liked last year is (I think) in love with a girl that I know. I'm 95% sure she doesn't give a rat's ass.

This made my week.

No, my month.

And probably my year.

I think I'm evil.

:)

Ramblings on my being ridiculous

I'm looking at Facebook pictures of a certain someone and crying. I've NEVER felt this ridiculous before. No, serious. This is a new low for me and my bloody self-esteem.

It might be because I'm sick right now and everything school-related seems to be converging into this giant ball of tangled deadlines and assignments and rehearsals...

Or it just might be the pills I've been taking...

Or it might be that I'm fucking hormonal during wrong fucking time of the fucking month...

But I think I've, for the first time in a long time, realized the very probable possibility of me, spending the rest of my life on my own.

And honestly? That's fucking scary.

I think I act like I don't want anyone. But deep deep WAAAAAY deep down, I think I'm just waiting for someone to change my mind.

This shit doesn't normally bother me this much. But right now, I feel like I'm going to fall apart into little pieces.

Ramblings on a more current state of mind

I always do this when an impending performance looms over my head: I get introspective, thoughtful and over-analytic.

But it's never about my performance. Instead, it's about people, relationships, God, family, etc.

Usually, this... process... helps my performance by giving it a nuance that I wouldn't have found weeks before.

But the circumstances surrounding my performance (actually, my life in general) are so different from my previous performances and this process is more intense this time.

I feel like I'm climbing deeper and deeper inside my own head and I hate it. To avoid it, I'm flipping into workaholic mode: I'm keeping myself busy with work and forcing myself to become exhausted to the point where I can't think about those things.

I lay down to sleep an my mind reels thought countless things all at once. I wake up and I don't feel fully rested.

It has never been this intense and I feel like it's becoming detrimental to my performance more than helping it this time.

In art as in life, it is about finding balance. And as it is in everything, balance is difficult to achieve.

I hope I can get this sorted...

Ramblings on confusion

Ramblings something I'm thankful for

LOLLLL!!!!

Right around the same time my dad taught me how to knee someone in the nuts, he taught me how to disarm a gun from someone.

Every girl should know this.

EVERY GIRL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-JIMlrdHag

Decent video. Not perfect but it was the best one on Youtube.

One more thing to remember: Once the magazine is inserted into a semi-auto pistol, one round goes in the chamber. If you keep a firm grip on the magazine, no more than one round can dislodge because the slide can't move to reload the chamber. Down side? Well, you still have that one bullet to worry about. You'll just have to hope and pray that one round goes off on some other area aside from your body.

/Geekout

Ramblings on a really cool person

Fanny Mendelssohn Hensel.

More talented older sister of Felix Mendelssohn. :P

SO. LEGIT.

Ramblings on a Conversation

Here's a conversation my dad and I had last night over the phone:

Me: So, I'm opening a bank account tomorrow.
Dad: Really? That's good.
Me: Well, not really. I'll officially be "in the system" now.
Dad: Yeah, it'll be like the mark of the beast from Revelations.
Me: Exactly. Getting a bank account will be the first six, then the second six will be when I get a driver's license and the third will be when I register to vote.
Dad: *LOL*

XDDD

Ramblings on my current state of mind

I'm a sick, siiiiiick puppy...

*is ashamed*

LOL.

Ramblings on... er...

I thought I'd get over it. I really did. But I just have to get this out or else I'm going start feeling insane.

Have you ever wanted to disembowel someone and make out with them at the same time?

I mean, have you had a mix of those feelings about the same person-- not wanted to do both at the same time.... that's too sick even for me. O_o

But anyways...

I can't stand him. I really can't. He's an obnoxious know-it-all who doesn't stop talking. He sucks up to the teacher and answers all the questions-- even the ones that aren't directed towards him. He's 75% of the reason why I want to go postal in my class. But when I see him outside of class, like in the hallways, all I can think about grabbing him by the collar, throwing him against a wall and making out with him.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

*Headdesk!*

Ramblings on a rant

Dear twopeoplewhoaregettingonmynerves,

Do you not know what happens to people like you in the professional opera world? Seriously? Do you REALLY not know? Well, here's the low down: YOU GET CUT. YOU GET CUT THEN YOU GET BLACK LISTED.

Person-number-one, I don't care HOW amazing you are (not that you are but let's not go there right now). When you're an arse to your colleagues, you're not getting another job. Do NOT forget that there are oodles and oodles of talented people out there-- people who can sing and act just as well as you and look just as good as you-- or perhaps even better. What makes you think that conductors and opera houses will hire you, a freakin' JERK, when they can hire an actually DECENT person? Being a kind person isn't only the right thing to do, it's a professional advantage.

BTW, idiot: you're shooting yourself in the FOOT by treating your scene partner like CRAP. You've proved to me and everyone who knows that you're the weak one and that, if the scene falls on its face, it's YOUR fault and no one else's.

And REALLY, person-number-two? Seriously? Do you not understand that the LEADS' words play a part in your getting a performance? Talking bad about the leads when you're a cover? Saying that you're concerned about the lead's performance because you've apparently got AMAZING chemistry with someone and that the lead doesn't with the other? SERIOUSLY? The leads are leads for a reason. We earned it in the auditions. You've got to earn it DURING the process. I'm not insecure; I have no reason to be. I'm just astonished at your lack of strategy.

Crap talking gets you NO WHERE. Maybe you know what you're doing is offensive, then again, maybe you don't. Either way you've offended. No matter the intentions, the damage has been done. At school, it doesn't matter that much BUT, do you know what happens to COVERS in the pro opera world that do anything other than what they're told? This miiiiight come as a surprise but when they mouth off... THEY. GET. CUT. They get cut then black listed. The opera world is a VERY small one. Everyone knows everyone and word travels like wild fire.


Get your heads out of your arses. I'm sick and tired of this. I'm sick and tired of seeing people treated like CRAP.

With all the sarcastic love in the world,
Rachel

Ramblings of something I've been feeling like...

...screaming at the top of my lungs lately:

Dear PeoplewhomIwillnotmention,

GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND GET OVER YOURSELVES.

With much frustration,
Rachel

PS: I see RIGHT through you. Don't think for a second that I let things just fly over my head.

Ramblings on Randomness

Listening to past lessons = weird and AWESOME all at the same time! Hearing myself is kiiiiiinda painful but some of the stuff that gets recorded is just GOLD!

This is a little something I came across in a recording of a lesson from last year (Freshman year 1st semester):

*To the tune of The Ash Grove* "I went down the street and I bought some Jolly Ranchers and then I came back and they stuck to my teeth~~~"

LOLERS8Z DR. GALLOWAY! This left me in STITCHES! XD

Ramblings on something that irritates me

Something that happened today brought this up.

People who know me know that I take criticism very well. I mean, how else would I be getting on as a vocal performance major if I didn't? But I really REALLY hate it when people tell me to "calm down." Honestly? Who the hell are you-- my dad? Telling me that I'm being loud and that I should probably quiet down is one thing. Telling me to "calm down" is absolutely another.

When people tell me to "calm down", I feel like they're being condescending. As if they're saying that I'm being immature and that it's unbearable against their all-knowing sagely maturity. Not to say that I'm incapable of being immature ever but that sort of condescension is really annoying. And especially since I act excitedly with people whom I consider friends who understand me, I get really hurt. Not just ticked or offended. Hurt.

Every time someone tells me to "calm down," I feel as if my liveliness is being suppressed. As if my spirit and my joy and my happiness-- which are all integral aspects of my character-- is being told to exist no further. Irrational? Perhaps. But it's essentially what it feels like. It's like telling a dancer not to move or binding a painter's hands.

I'm loud. I'm obnoxious. I'm passionate. I'm excitable. I'm opinionated. I'm silly. I'm goofy. I'm sarcastic.

^^^

If you don't like any of these qualities about me, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out, mate.

Ramblings on a piece of undeniable truth

"Everybody lies." --Dr. House

Status Update

I'm making an appointment with an on-campus psychologist tomorrow. I feel like my brain's going to explode and I just can't handle it on my own anymore.

I feel like breaking half the things in the kitchen cupboard right now. I know this aggression isn't because of anger but because of sheer frustration. WTF is happening to my world and why the hell have I suddenly gotten this bad that handling it?

I hate pretense and facades. Most of all, I HATE irresponsibility.

Funny little conclusion I've come to: The Stage never lies to me; The Stage never leads me on; The Stage never brushes me aside; The Stage never treats me like something disposable; The Stage and I have a perfect understanding of what I want and I of what it wants.

I don't need anything else.

I'm really resisting the urge to burn a LOT of bridges right now.

/stupidrantofinsanity

Ramblings on Arias

...Repetition...

Here's something I had mused on many years ago: Why the heck is that soprano singing the same words and musical motif over and over again in that aria? I thiiiiiink we get the idea after the third time, lady...

But really, have you ever thought about it? Why would someone write that on paper? Why would a composer have someone sing the same lyrics and the same music over and over again? As filler? Just for kicks?

No. The reason why Ariodante sings "Scherza infida" over and over and over and over again as he sings about how he was betrayed by his love is because that's how we humans ARE. Our minds our souls don't EVER say or think something just once or even just twice.

Arias are places where characters bare their souls. The music, the words-- these are not just scribbles or black dots on a couple of lines on paper. It's their soul.

The audience's responsibility is to understand what's happening on stage during those moments and the performer's responsibility is to portray that music and those words with as much honesty and humanity as possible.

"Opera was invented because the spoken word was inadequate." --Graham Vick

Ramblings on something awesome that happened today!

Tooootally shocked! :D

So, today I met someone who reads my opera blog!

I just couldn't believe it! It was during the intro dinner for the new batch of APU Bel Canto Women's Choir and a friend of mine pulls me aside and introduces me to a parent of a choir member. Then she tells me that she read my blog. I was really shocked that anyone besides me was actually reading that thing! I was always under the impression that whatever I wrote there was going unnoticed and that I was just doing it for me but wow...

Ramblings on Opera Etiquette - Part II

Yep, that guy in the penguin suit!

Next installment of opera etiquette!

Il Maestro

“Maestro” is the Italian word for “Master” or “Teacher” and is the term of endearment and respect for the music director and conductor of the opera. Yes, that guy in the front in a tuxedo, flailing his arms the entire show. Without him, there would be no show! The proper concert etiquette is to applaud him (or her, in which class it would be “Maestra”) at these designated times:

1) Before the overture when the Maestro takes his place in front of the orchestra
2) At the end of the overture
3) At the end of the act before intermission.
4) When the Maestro reassumes his place in front of the orchestra after intermission.
5) During the curtain call when the Maestro is brought on stage with the rest of the cast.

Basically, you applaud whenever you see him walk. It’s a good rule of thumb if you forget.

Conductors: Can't live without 'em! Hopefully this has cleared up a few things. Thanks for reading!

Ramblings on Opera Etiquette - Part I

Totes inappropes, guys. Totes inappropes.

Okay, here I go! I'll be breaking this up into a few parts so this post doesn't go on for ever and a day. XD

Among the many misconceptions about opera, one of the more puzzling aspects is the etiquette. Never mind the screaming fat lady in the last act with the long blonde braids, shield and horned helmet; I’ve heard more false impressions about opera etiquette than anything else.
To someone who hasn’t experienced it, opera can seem like a completely different culture, something entirely foreign and aloof, and this can be just another reason to avoid the theatre. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be like that! Opera is meant to be enjoyed, not treated as some sort of relic. Opera etiquette, like most etiquette, is about being considerate to both the performers and fellow audience members. It’s as simple as that! So, whenever you don’t know what to do, just ask yourself, “Will this disturb others?” If so, don’t do it.
This is a short, concise guide to help you understand the culture of opera and to, ultimately, make your time at the theatre more enjoyable. Get ready to check one more excuse off of your list!

What (not) to wear

In olden days, going to the opera was a social event. In a way, it still is but back then, it was the place to show off, gossip and stare at others freely. Special, elaborate dresses and tuxedos were made specifically for these occasions because appearances were of the utmost importance to ladies and gentlemen of society. Nowadays, however, the dress code is much more relaxed. Gone are the days of stain and bustles and tuxedos. Instead, for non-gala opera performances, modern society favours something more akin to the “Sunday dress.” Your choice isn’t limited to just these items but these are foolproof.

Gentlemen: Slacks and a button-down shirt with dress shoes will do nicely. Or, if you are so inclined, a suit and tie also are considered fashionable.

Ladies: Dress pants, blouse, below/at the knee skirt, tailored dress, dressy shoes, or anything conservative and beautiful will suffice.

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to look like your great aunt/uncle Sally/Sal; being fashionable is more than acceptable! However, there are a few things that aren’t considered tasteful. These are a few things you should avoid.

Gentlemen: Jeans, tennis shoes, sandals/flip-flops/anything open toe, shorts, anything too baggy and doesn’t cover your boxers, work boots, graphic t-shirts, too much bling, baseball caps or other casual headwear, wife-beaters and anything that doesn’t cover your shoulders, etc.

Ladies: Jeans (unless they’re dark wash and dressy), hoochy skirts that are basically loin clothes, sandals/flip-flops/anything open toe that isn’t dressy, casual tops that you would wear to the gym/pick up your kids, shorts you would wear to the beach/grocery store/etc, tank-tops, anything way too tight (I don’t care how bangin’ your body is), etc.

Now, on to gala events. Galas are special occasions in opera where people get really dressed up and fancy with a reception after the performance. Sometimes you have dinner or cocktails and meet the cast! In these occasions, Sunday dress doesn’t really cut it. Here are a few guidelines to picking the perfect semi-formal to formal outfit.

Gentlemen: Have you seen Casablanca? Who hasn’t? Okay, if you haven’t, go look it up. The outfit Rick wears—the white dinner jacket with the bow tie—is absolutely perfect. Of course, you don’t have to try and look exactly like the incomparable Humphrey Bogart to fit in at a gala. I would recommend a tuxedo outfit. Yep. That’s it for you guys!

Ladies: It’s always more difficult for ladies when it comes to outfits but in this case it’s actually very simple. Any dress that’s form flattering will do. Of course, don’t go in a cocktail dress. That’s a bit too short. Something semi-formal that is beautiful but doesn’t show off too much skin is perfect.

A gala is a social event and you want to look your best. Just make sure that your outfit doesn’t command more respect that you.

Hopefully, that was a bit helpful and informative! Part II coming soon! :D

Coming soon!

Worst audience ever.

Does concert etiquette baffle you? Has this prevented you from going to a concert or an opera? Have you ever attended a classical music performance of some kind and was insecure about when to clap and when to say 'bravo'?

Dang, I just sounded like an infomercial!

When I was first getting into classical music years ago, etiquette was one of the things that felt very daunting and I know I wasn't the only one. At first, it can feel like a completely different culture. I searched all over the internet and went to book shops for a comprehensive guide to concert etiquette and never really found one. I had to hunt and experience a lot of things myself in order to know what is and isn't proper.

So in order to help classical music newcomers, I've recently written a sort of Idiot's guide to opera etiquette and I'm currently revising it. I hope to have bits of it posted here and on APU's official opera blog soon!

Get ready to check one more excuse off your list!! :D

Ramblings on My Test Drive

I just gave my new baby a whirl and I've gotta say... I LOVE IT! Best $400 I've ever spent!

I tried uploading the photos to Blogger but I think they got compressed. A lot of the details and colours were lost so I decided to upload them to my Flickr and link them.

My dog Wilson looking very ready to graze the cover of a magazine. Looks like a legit headshot, doesn't it? :D

And the colours this thing picks up is gorgeous. All I did was resize these pictures. I didn't fiddle with the colour settings at all and it's still amazing!

I am one happy camper... <3

OOOMG

I just got my Canon 400D in the mail. ;ALPAOUNER;OVNA;

Ramblings while impatient

That's right. I just used a brush in Photoshop to make this. :P

I just checked my email and the guy that sold me my camera still hasn't shipped it. WTH???

I know I'm being irrationally impatient but COME ON!!! He's shipping it from Massachusetts through ground mail! It's gonna take at LEAST two weeks. FML.

Okay. Breathe. I've got a whole stack of choral music to look at and work on until that camera gets here. Hoo-hee-hoo-hee~~~

/Crazy.

Ramblings on something I just bought

Guess what I just bought through eBay!!!

THIS.

Dear 'my Flickr page',

GET READY.

Love,
Rach

Ramblings on a few ideas

Hell hath no fury.

Just a few ideas about my junior recital. It's still a year away but I've been brain storming.

Future recital title: "Amor e Vendetta."
Poster/photo idea: Me embracing my "lover." His back is in in the picture and my face is visible along with a big kitchen knife. I hold up the index finger of the same hand I'm holding the kitchen knife with to my lips, as if to say "shh."

Repertoire: Art songs, cantate, and arias that have to do with love, betrayal, lament and revenge.

Y/N?

Ramblings on one of my dad's quotes - Rule #41

Wouldn't it be so much easier if our mind worked exactly like this?

Dad's Rule #41: "People who fail to compartmentalize fail to succeed."

Meaning: Kinda self-explanatory. In life, if you get your proverbial peas into your proverbial mashed potatoes, you're going to have a hard time living life. Crappy day at home? Don't bring that into work. Crappy day at work? Don't bring that into the house. Doesn't mean don't share your feelings with someone. Rather, it means don't let one aspect of your life negatively effect another. It's a sign of weakness and is ultimately unprofessional and no one wants to work with someone with those characteristics.

It's not always easy and no one does it perfectly but I think it's something to keep in mind and work on.

I'm definitely still in training. I think I've gotten better at it, though. Then again, I've always felt that I've been better at compartmentalising than most girls. Maybe I'm still more of a tomboy at heart than I thought! Oh deeeear... Haha!

<3

Ramblings on...

I'M DONE
I'M DONE
I'M DOOOOOOOOONE!

I'm OFFICIALLY done learning the role of Clarina!

:D :D :D

Ramblings on moisturizer

Clinque All about eyes: one of the best investments a girl can make. Lol! And at under $30 bucks, it's not that bad considering all you need is a teeny-tiny bit for each eye!

I'm in love with this thing. Seriously.

Rablings on one of my dad's quotes - Rule #47

Stellan Skarsgård as Gregor 1998's Ronin, one of my favourite films

Dad's Rule #47: "Watch out for the quiet ones."

Meaning: Don't worry too much about the ones that boast about what they know or what they can do. Keep them in your radar but they rarely prove themselves as a threat. The ones that you should concern yourself with are the ones that are quiet. You know, the sort that don't say much, keep to themselves and always observe from the corner. Why? Because you never know what they're thinking. They're unassuming, polite and low-key... until they're not.

The character Gregor in the film Ronin is a great example. Team player, helpful but unimposing, follows the rules... until he caps half a dozen people and double crosses his entire team and three countries. Okay, fine, that's a bit extreme and totally fictional but seriously. People get hit in the back of the head (figuratively and/or literally) by the one person they never thought would even dream to harm them.

Sounds paranoid, does it? You'll thank me later! ;)

Ramblings on Learning an Opera Role - Part III AKA Ramblings on Rossini's charms

My homeboy!

I'm a huge fan of mezzo-soprano Joyce DiDonato. No, really. I'm a HUGE fan. I want to be like this woman so much. I own ever CD she ever recorded and I literally cried when I couldn't make it to her performance as Rosina in the LA Opera's production of The Barber of Seville. I'm still really bummed I couldn't go...

But anyways! She's also brilliant when it comes to photography and has a link to her flickr page on her blog (and yes, her blog is seriously titled Yankeediva. Isn't it awesome??). Midst the beautiful pictures of European architecture and gorgeous red and gold performance halls, I came across a low-key picture in her gratitude album.

The picture is of a quote said by one of the stage directors at the Lyric Opera of Chicago, Thor Steingraber. Someone had typed it up and posted on a bulletin board in the rehearsal department. The quote was this:

"I'd like Rossini better if there were more repetition."

I quite literally laughed out loud at this! Rossini is the king of repetition. Hands down. I'm sure the cast members of our Spring opera production La Cambiale di Matrimonio would all agree with me on this. It's not enough that he loads his music with tongue twistery words from the libretto; he makes us sing it over and over again, faster and faster with more spunk that we knew we had in us!

I think this is one of the great beauties of Rossini. He challenges us to be creative. We, as singers, are forced to come up with something new, different and exciting each time a musical theme or the same words are repeated again and again. We're forced to look beyond the external, seemingly mundane repetition and figure out why our characters would say it more than once.

The best Rossini singers know how to make every repetition count-- how to make each one special and meaningful. There's nothing more frustrating when I'm listening to a recording or watching a performance than a singer who just trudges through the repeats like a kid being forced to eat his/her peas and broccoli. It really shouldn't sound like a chore!

Rossini is a joy and a true privilege to sing. "Medicine for the voice" as the late and great Beverley Sills once said about Bel Canto. I'm constantly reminded when I listen to great Bel Canto singers such as Beverly Sills, Joan Sutherland, Juan Diego Florez and Joyce DiDonato that we must savour every word and phrase and make each of them a little gem of their own!

P.S. Puccini might have hated mezzos but Rossini actually preferred mezzos over sopranos. :P

Ramblings on one of my dad's quotes

Dad's Rule #29: "Think like a lawyer."

Meaning: Think about all the different aspects you can of a situation in order to be ready for anything. The good attorneys think about both sides to figure out counterarguments before they ever set foot in a courtroom.

Ramblings on the upcoming holiday!

I'd like to leave my heart here this time.

So, it seems my dad has been organizing a family holiday to San Francisco! And, unlike last time, it won't be with a travel service. Oh lawd, that was miserable. I felt like a herd of cattle. And the tour guide was this Korean guy who "used to be" an English teacher before he emigrated... and he had his American history ALL wrong. I'm a history geek so it really, really bugged me.

A few things that I've learned from the last time I was there:

- It's freezing so take warm clothing.
- No, seriously. It's freakin' cold.
- The clam chowder at Boudin's is possibly the best thing on Earth.
- Alcatraz is badass. I should've done a walking tour.
- Don't eat Chinese food from that one place the tour guide took us. It was atrocious.
- Don't buy souvenirs from that one store near Pier 39. It was a bloody rip off.
- Take motion sickness pills with you.

That's it for now. I'll be taking my Macbook with me on the trip along with my camera so expect a few new pictures on my flickr stream. :D

Ciao!

Ramblings on Happiness - Part I

("Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond its imperfections." ~Unknown)

It seems that I'm feeling rather philosophical today. Philosophical about happiness. Which is rare, mind you. The moment someone asks me or I ask myself whether or not I'm happy is precisely the moment I become unhappy. Dwelling on thoughts of what life ought to be is pointless and frankly exhausting! But, once in a while, sifting through that corner of your mind is healthy and cathartic.

When I was younger, my dad told me something that I had ignored until just a few years ago. It seems to happen to me a lot, doesn't it-- ignoring my dad's wisdom then realising what a fool I was for not noticing it's value!

I had come home from a day of hopeful, scientific "one day's" at school. One day, we'll cure cancer. One day, AIDS will be a thing of the past. One day, world peace will be realised. One day, world hunger will cease to exist. Then we divulged into what had to be done; theoretical speculations. It was quite an educational afternoon about what we hoped to be our bright and shining future.

So, naturally, I brought this up during dinner. He said to me, "Rachel," in a resigned sigh-like voice. "We're tiny. We're nothing."

At the time I just thought it was him talking about us (human beings) in relation to God; which, is indeed, a formidable comparison. I don't think this was a wrong interpretation. We are, in fact, teeny-tiny compared to the Almighty Lord. We are, indeed, nothing compared to His majesty (yet loved and cherished by Him. What grace!).

But what I came to understand a few years ago was this: accepting this fact is the key to happiness.

What he wanted me to remember was that out lives are merely a blip in the grand time line of this Universe. Even the greatest deeds accomplished by mankind are simply pin pricks. My dad didn't mean that we aren't capable of great things. We are quite capable with the help of God. He didn't mean don't try. We must try. We owe it to God to do so. He didn't mean that life is inherently pointless. Our point in life is to serve the Lord in whatever way he wishes.

What he was saying was that once you build in front of yourself twenty Everests, you will 1) be unhappy and 2) never achieve your goals. Tiny people take tiny steps. Once you attempt to take giant steps, you'll rip your pants.

'Get rid of that chip on your shoulder because you're not important enough to have one' is essentially what my dad was saying. Realise how little and unimportant you are. Surrender yourself to greatness of reality and be content with what 'little' you were designed to do. Know that whatever you end up accomplishing through this humbling realisation is more than what the other, arrogant people have tried and failed at.

I'm not under the delusion that I'll change this world with my life. I'll touch a few lives and I pray everyday that the lives I touch will be influenced for the better. If, in the end, the world decides that I did change it for the better, that's just icing on the cake.

Changing the world isn't up to me, you or any mortal being. It's up to God.

I hope this didn't sound like some sort of cop-out because I didn't mean it that way. Thinking yourself as too important is, apart from being a symptom of narcissism, a recipe for unhappiness. That is all.

Thoughts? Comments? Dissent? I'm game!

-R

Ramblings on Natalie's Post

(The stage at The Royal Opera House. Gorgeous, isn't it? I will sing on it one day... I swear it!)

This is a response post to a post my friend Natalie made. Hopefully it'll make sense to even those you haven't seen her post.

There are two ways I see this: in a religious and non-religious way. Both of which, I feel, are relavant and necessary in seeing this in an objective light.

First, the non-religious.

Call me a cynic but I'm a firm believer in this: people do things because of selfish reasons. Selfishness isn't bad at all if it brings out good things in us, no? the people who go over to foreign countries and leave everything behind to tend to the sick, the poor and the dying do it because it makes them feel good. Sure the flies, mosquitoes and crappy food suck but they know what they're doing is changing something for the better; ergo, it makes them feel good; ergo, they do it. Now, I don't say this to minimize their sacrifice or make it any less significant. I merely wish to point out what I feel to be the truth of the human condition: We're selfish little bastards who do great, amazing things that create beauty and spread love through the world in order to quench out thirst for fulfillment.

Where it's building orphanages or screaming Tosca at the top of your lungs for three hours, it really is all the same. Does it fulfill you? Are you doing something good for the people around you? Are those people influenced positively by what you do? If your answer is 'yes,' it doesn't matter whether or not you're doing something for selfish reasons.

Now, the religious.

If you're doing what God called you to do, whether it seem selfish or not, you're doing God's work. And God's work is never selfish. Why? Because, then, you're a tool, an instrument. An instrument is never selfish. It merely does what it was made to do. It is inherently incapable of being selfish. When was the last time you saw a violin say to itself, "Bloody hell! What I do is selfish and unimportant! I'd rather be a defibrillator in a hospital because saving lives is more important than squeaking out Tchaikovsky all day"?

You and I, we're His instruments in more ways than one. Every note we sing, every step we take as we walk on stage into the blinding stage lights, every role we learn is an offering. Whether we're singing sacred music or Rossini, it's an offering, a living sacrifice, a testament to his mercy and unbound grace-- of what He can do with absolute rubbish like us. As long as we don't forget this, we're not selfish. Selfish in the sense that we love and enjoy what we do? Sure. Absolutely. But selfish in the sense that what we do is all for us and no one else? Of course not. We do it for our audiences. Much like looking at a breathtaking piece of art or tasting an amazing dish. That feeling you get when you look at a Bernini sculpture or a Van Gogh painting-- the feeling of breathlessness and standing there slack-jawed and dribbling, gasping out a senseless 'Oh, my God'... that's all because you saw a glimpse of God. Beauty is an earthly interpretation of God. It's the highest form of praise. And artists? We're the makers of that beauty. Thus, artists are conduits between the ugly mortal world and the unimaginable, unfathomable beauty of the divine. We translate, with our gifts, in what ways we can, the absolute and all-consuming wonder of God. Some through a paintbrush and some through their voices.

Musicians bring entire concert halls full of people just a little closer to God. And, i that sense, we're not just singers; we're Angels.

So, don't think for a moment that what you do is any less important than what anybody else does. Dont' think for a second that you're not serving God by studying music!

Well, that was by two cents. Thoughts? Comments? Dissent? I'd love 'em all!

-R

Ramblings on Learning an Opera Role - Part II

"Do it right or don't do it at all."
"You're never really done with anything you start."
"There so such thing as over-preparation."

(I've been hearing those three quotes from my dad since I was a little girl. Those along with dozens more that I've been writing down lately. The list is seriously about a mile long!)

Just a few more things I've been realising as I learn new music.

In learning anything, it's not completely learned until you can do it perfectly at any given time.

I test myself by going over music at random times. That one line or phrase that I thought I had down cold? I make myself sing it right after I wake up or when I'm waiting for my toast or tea. If I can't do it perfectly on the first try, I need more practice. Completely mastery of the music is so crucial in opera because once you get to rehearsals, music should be second nature so you can concentrate on staging, acting and your character. Singing your role should be like breathing by the time you're done. I'm getting there and it's really exciting!

Also, if I can't hear all the other characters' music in my head while I sing my own, I need more work. And in that sense, I'm not just learning my part; I'm learning everyone else's as well.

Wow, I didn't realise how obsessive I am with this until I read what I just wrote down! I guess I did adopt a few work ethics from my dad after all.

Anyways! That's it for now. Back to practicing!

Ramblings on cameras Part deux

Okay, fine. My camera doesn't suck TOO much.

Ramblings on cameras

I need a kick ass camera because my current one SUCKS. I officially HATE point-and-shoots. -_____-;

Ramblings on Insomnia

It sucks.

Ramblings on Learning an Opera Role - Part I

One thing that I'm realizing again and again as I learn my first role is this: there's a huge difference between the theoretical and the practical. I've read the books, the interviews, the blogs etc. so I knew before taking on this task that learning a role and creating a character would be both a challenge and a joy. My role isn't a huge one: she's the maid Clarina in Rossini's first opera La Cambiale di Matrimonio. She probably gets about fifteen minutes max of stage time. But my expectations of what would be difficult and what would be easy were a bit off.

Contrary to by expectations, the technical side seems to be the most difficult. The entire role sits uncomfortably on my passaggio. The 'eh' vowel of 'contento' on a G5 is pretty much murdering me right now. Also, keeping the legato line throughout this area is very difficult; therefore, focusing my sound for accurate placement isn't all the way there. And, of course, it's Rossini so there are loads of fast, tongue-twistery words that must be learned correctly the first time. This means repetition repetition repetition! Slow and meticulous learning. Undoing things that you've learned incorrectly is much more tedious that this so I have to take it slow.

Memorization, something I thought I'd have trouble with, is not a problem at all. I suppose knowing the language is helping. Thank God I invested those two years in high school learning Italian. I'm not fluent (yet!) but just knowing the basics helps a lot with memory. This skill proved crucial since most of my character's scenes are in ensembles. Meaning that I need to not only memorize what I'm saying but what everyone else on stage is saying. Knowledge of everyone else's lines is important because without it, there is so realistic reaction. Part of making a situation and character believable on stage is your reaction. In real life, people listen then react. To do this effectively, preparation is necessary. Of course after the preparation, the trick is to not anticipate on stage and make everything seem like it's happening for the first time.

Characterization was another aspect I thought I'd have more trouble with. After reading the libretto and analyzing it, I found Clarina a relatable character. She funny, sarcastic, smart, and loving. Throughout the opera, she speaks to everyone formally expect the head man servant, Norton. Funny, in'nt? She always uses the 'tu' form with him and her speech seems very comfortable around him. There's a bit of history between them. And from her aria, I think it quite possible that she's in love with him. However, nothing is ever said out-right, almost like she's expecting him to make the first move. The hints are there. Either Norton picks them up or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, Clarina's not going to lose too much sleep over it. Or maybe... maybe they had sparks fly in the past but things never worked out-- perhaps that's the reason for her ambiguity. Either way, she's a woman. I can relate to that.

And of course, my biggest hurdle: procrastination. I'm notorious for this. But I know myself. I'm pushing myself to do a little everyday because too much will cause a burn out. A couple of measures, a few lines a day keeps be both productive and even motivated to do more. Research shows that learning something bit by bit helps with long-term memory! I also know that I can't learn anything in a week so pacing myself and learning in advance is a must.

That's it for now. I'm considering this a series of blog entries. I'll post more when more revelations have occurred. Hah! I meant, thoughts. ;)

/rambling ^_^

Ramblings on tonight's episode of Lie to Me

As you may already know, I'm a huge fan of the FOX TV series Lie to Me. The writing's decent, the science is always compelling (though sometimes, poetic license is taken for dramatic effect. It's all good), the acting is fantastic and so are the characters. So, when the first episode of Lie to Me in almost six months came along tonight, needless to say, I was overjoyed! And it was worth the wait. Tonight's episode definitely delivered.

First, something brief about the science.

During the lecture scene, Martin was right: defense doesn't necessarily mean deception. Nixon was under a lot of stress during that press conference-- the whole purpose of which was to defend himself. Martin's observation about looking for signs to prove deception instead of the other way around is also true. It happens to most of us (hell, I don't think "all of us" would be too big of a stretch) and it's a very dangerous problem when trying to detect deception. When you don't like someone, even with the benefit of the doubt, you have a hard time expecting the best out of them. That's why good first impressions and reputations are such powerful things. It just may be that we're watching that clip of Nixon and thinking "He's a liar. He lied about Watergate and he's lying about it right now." without objectively looking at the clues. This is all very much human and why this technique isn't foolproof. However, if I hadn't known the history, I think that there are enough clues that point towards deception in that clip to make me confident that Nixon was lying. That glance downward wasn't for his notes. No way. It wasn't a glance downward; that was a nod when he said he's not a crook. The hesitation is another sigh and the head shake when he said he's earned everything he has is a obvious gestural slip. Oh, and something I just noticed: he sets his jaw after he finishes the sentence. He's hiding something. I'm glad they addressed this issue. No one can be completely objective. The show sometimes forgets this and occasionally makes the science out to be cut and dry, flawless. But it isn't. It's a damn good tool, that's all it is.

Now...

"Beat the Devil" set up a lot of things, touching on them just enough to create a basis for many possible plot arcs. There was the issues of Lightman's gambling issue. How many times during the episode did he "bet" against people? He bet Martin during the lecture scene. That was a more physical bet. He literally threw down $200. He then "bet" agent Reynolds that Martin would leave with a girl from the restaurant in ten minutes. He does it again in Martin's mum's house. It was established earlier in the second season that Cal has a gambling problem. I have a sick feeling that problem just might come out of the woodwork.

Cal's kidnapping and torture was also intriguing. He's tough. Makes me wonder what his days in MI6 were like.

There was also the increased tension between Cal and Gillian, most obvious in the final scene between them. It looks like Gil's heeding Helen's advice to keep her distance from Cal which would have to mean that there's something to step away from. I think Gill feels Cal's pull and she's pushing him away. I find it an interesting directorial choice for her to retreat behind her desk after Cal asked her to dinner. Hrm... Oh and, Cal gets kidnapped, tortured and almost murdered and all Gill says to him is "I'm glad you're okay." That's not bad writing, people. That was done intentionally. Emotional distance. Not to say that she doesn't feel true relief; she's choosing not to show all of it. But anyways, I can't blame the girl. Cal's a handful... and then some. She just got out of a marriage that had huge communication problems so she knows how hurtful that can be. And we all know that Cal is the king of communication problems. Honestly, I don't know if I like these two as a couple. I know! Don't kill me! Haha! I feel like their friendship is too great for me to see romance in there. They've always been touchy-feely and always very intimate so it's hard for me to read into things without that small voice in my head going "They're just friends...." Needless to say, a relationship would be very interesting.

I must mention this: Tim Roth's acting = consistently amazing. I love that guy-- cockney accent, bad posture, weird swagger and all!

Loker/Torres. Need I say more? What is going on between these two??? Lie to Me plants body language clues. This is a known fact. As an audience member, we're left to decide what is planted and what isn't. I have a hard time believing that the ones in the final scene between Loker and Torres in the observation room were simply acting choices. Torres' proximity, her lean, the head tilt, the way she had her hip out, her smile... Come on! I wonder what these two would be like if they did venture off into a relationship. They're such polar opposites, kinda like Cal and Gil. One thing's for certain though: it'd be HOT. A small bit of me wonders where that cute school teacher's gone. Hrm...

Lie to Me is one of the few shows that balance the character aspect and the procedural aspect well. House and Burn Notice are the only other shows that come to mind at the moment. It manages to be profound while being smart and fast-paced; a character study while being scientific and it manages to hold on to its razor-sharp wit through it all (tonight's episode had some great, smart lines. Some of the best dialogue writing I've heard on this show yet). This show explore many themes but irony is the thing that gets me: the one person who sees more than anyone is the one with the biggest communication problem. That, in turn, is just like the science: just because you see the emotions doesn't mean that you know the reasons behind them.

Don't worry, I won't be reviewing every TV show that I watch. Gosh, that would be terrible to read. Thanks for suffering through this one. Haha! There were just too many good points to point out in this episode!

Introductory Ramblings

Not that anybody is actually following my blog but whatever! Just in case people think I'm absolutely and helplessly insane, this is a bit of an explanation/excuse for my madness.

This blog will be a place for my random thoughts, observations and word-vomitage. Right now, I think it will be mostly made up of music, art, literature, vintage related geek-outs, along with occasional chronicling of the life of an undergrad vocal performance major/aspiring opera singer. And as you know, music majors tend to be a little........ off, if you know what I mean.

Okay so, you are now forewarned of what this place holds. Heh...

Much love,
Rach